a few wonderful things happened.

As with any last child, the effort just isn't there like it was for the first.

I'm older, slower, smarter and possibly more drunk than with the first.

I have come to the realization that almost everything happens in time.  Seriously, pretty much all kids walk eventually, they eventually eat something other than plain spaghetti with butter, and most learn how to read.  it all happens in time.  

with that said…..

my daughter has finally gone 6 days in a row with out wetting her night time pull-up !!!!!

Party in the house!  She is almost 8.  She sleeps 12-13 hours a night without a budge.  So, you can see the problem.  I can barely go 5 hours with out the potty.  

Back to the good thing.   When she finally stops wetting she gets to get her room painted and a real bedroom set.  

Along with this accomplishment, I also mastered the art of bribery yesterday.  

She wanted an Archie comic book.  I said, "sure I'll get it, but you have to try to ride your bike …on the sidewalk."  she thought about it and said ok.

By the time we got home she had decided that wasn't a great Idea and said , No…then i said no Archie.

After a short screaming match she apologized and we headed to the park.

We have been attempting 2 wheels for 3 years now.  She wont do it.  BUT yesterday i said to her, " you are one inch taller, this should be a breeze (knowing she has no concept of height or what would make anything easier)"  She hopped on her 1967 Schwinn, basket, bell and all…and off she rode, squealing like a piglet.

See, good things do come to people who wait.

vitamin D and Facebook

I just came home and my teen is on his lap top, with his phone turned onto netflix, which is sitting in front of his laptop, talking on a headset to someone else!!!!  

WTF?  

remember the days when we would wait for some one to call us on the phone? 

then we would drag the looooong cord into the pantry and talk in a hushed voice amongst the applejacks and triscuits?  I believe my son's skin may not even know what vitamin D is?  maybe facebook should figure out how to emit vitamin D out of the light from the computer screen.  

As my sweet friend just announced to me: we are raising a bunch of wussies.  

Yeah, but we can't even help it.

what's wrong with us?

liquor ?

guilt?

or poor parenting?

enough said.

xo

m

running, a love hate relationship

this is what I look like after I run 5 miles.  

look at those sexy pits.

Face is red.

jeez

Running,  love hate relationship. 

 So unlike beer, which is a love love relationship.  

But in order to eat and drink I must first run or workout.

The thing about running is that it is a competition with your self.  It really is the strangest thing.

You run, then you think, "man, this sucks.  I hate this.  I really am not enjoying myself."  run a bit farther. " Man, it's hot"  

"I have to poop"

"ok, maybe I can run to the next bathroom."

At this point, for me, it is a catch-22.  I know have to run or crap myself.  I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in this mantra for running.

Run so that you can find a place to poo.

or pee…usually it's poo.

runners bowels.

As I run, I also often wonder if it gets easier or more enjoyable.  After 3 years of running I still don't jump out of bed, slap on sunscreen and announce, "I'll be out enjoying my run!"

I usually try to put it off as long as possible then think of excuses as to why I shouldn't go.

BUT….

running is one of the most rewarding things I've ever done for myself.

I started with Couch to 5k.  I had never run…ever….not even to escape a snake in the road.

I kept at it and did it.

My legs have never felt stronger.

my stomach/core has never been flatter or stronger.

there is no more super seat spread when i sit down in the car.

It's amazing.

Give it a try.  

It costs close to nothing, you can do it anywhere

just remember…

slow and steady wins the race.

if you have a hard time slow down, you are only racing with yourself.

the story begins

*** rude offensive material will follow this disclaimer…



I lived with him for less than a year.  One of those inbetween things that is supposed to make you feel good.  'Live a little' they told me, so I did.  I'm sure I have done crazier things in my life.
He was out of character for me.  Good looking, dumb, and large in stature, all the recovery items one would need per my best girlfriends.
I worked nights, he worked days (when he worked) ,and sometimes we met in-between, sometimes we just passed each other as we moved along.  One evening I came home to find him passed out on the couch.  Not atypical for him.  I kicked the couch and there was no movement.  "Hey, big, stupid dummy…you sleeping on the couch?"  No answer…good.
I walked over to turn the computer off.  I touched the mouse and up popped a full screen shot of a girls pantied crotch.
Figures.  Little pink panties in a picture that was taken via cell phone under a table.  Very artsy, Big Dummy.  Not surprised I just shook my head and chalked it up to loserville.  I scrolled the picture down.  Oh Big Dummy, an open chat session,too.  How crafty and suave you are.
This is where one story ends and true heart break
 begins.  A heart break of a life time.

girl:I cant wait for you to get here, baby.  My body is all yours
big dummy:Soon, Mama, soon….just have to get a bit more money and Ill be all yours
BD:I hate this place, this house and her ugly ass meat curtains.
g:Oh baby, soon you will never have to see those again…..




What did that say?  What the fuck?  Meat curtains?  What is that?..me?  After a few googles later I had a pretty clear image of exactly what meat curtains were and my heart sank.
Cruel bastard.
Who would say such a thing?

Up to this perfect trifecta of a moment in my life I had never even thought about my private parts.  They were fine to me.  I haven't compared them to many, thinking everyone is different, right?  Apparently not. A person I was occasionally sleeping with thought I was disgusting and had explained, in detail ,why that was, to another person.  Eeek Gads!
I glanced at the couch and thought about killing him. Lorena Bobbit his ass.  But my arms were stiff at my sides.  I walked over, tapped him on the shoulder, then kicked the one leg which was hanging from the couch and said,"Get out of my house"……
"Get your asshole self out of my house!"
BD:  "Oh Baby, what the hell?  what are you talking about?  come on…."  He glanced over at the computer and didn't say a word.

"Get your shit, take your car, and get out"

There was no real fight, no discussion, he got his small amount of belongings and walked out the door.  Passive aggressively leaving the computer on with Miss Pink Panty, non meat curtains, staring at me.

The computer, he left it all wide open for me( no pun intended) so that I could spend the next 5 hours reading explicit emails about myself; my ugly, deformed self.  The beginning of a lifetime story I'll never recover from, but has put me on a road to laughing at myself and learning what ugly really is…..
and let me just tell you….
its not just about my private parts…my meat curtains.


stay tuned…
m

Dream a little dream

I dreamt my tongue fell off.  Really fell off.  No blood, no pain, I just had something in my mouth, it felt weird, I opened my mouth and it fell out onto the table. 

 Now, as a normal person I would ask my family and friends what they thought this might mean.  But, I don't think this dream science is a mystery.  Maybe I need to write more instead of talk more?  yeah, that is exactly what I think I will go with…  

To start, here are a few things I didn't say, because the premonition tongue dream kept me with liquor at lips without flappin my tongue at the family gathering yesterday.

As we get older we enjoy babies more and more because it keeps us from having to talk to to each other.  We just goo goo and gaa gaa over the newest member.  It's a quite effective non communication tool. As the party dragged on I could see the family similarities even though we are all different.  There comes a point where you just accept the fact people are different and praise the fact, and thank whoever is in charge, they didn't come out all the same, because Mother Nature has a way of picking the least favorable character and spreading it like wildfire in families.   Kind of like our "Graves' Nose".

In addition to our family we also had people who weren't family.  You know the "family friends" who come every year.  None of us really knew who they were, but knew they come every year.  Maybe they crashed the party in 2002 and it worked out so well they just keep coming back.  At this point they look so familiar it doesn't even matter.

"The tongue is a complex mass of muscle and nerve endings with several uses, but I believe in this case it is your ability to speak that is being symbolized. Your unconscious mind is telling you in a very graphic way that the speech pattern of old is giving way to something new. This might be wisdom, or manners, or kindness, or any number of changes."

write ya later

m

It's so very simple

Foot fetish...x4

Gross