Saturday, April 23, 2016

DIY Garden Glass Globe Mushrooms

It is still not full blown Spring here in Colorado, but in between blizzrds we get some nice 78 degree weather.  Still too cold to start gardening, but we do start tidying up the beds.
It keeps all of us gardner types happy for a while.
While taking a break from pulling dandelions I decided to make a few things.
I like the way mushrooms look and I really wanted some yard art for my , well for my yard.
I was flipping through Pinterest and saw some glass mushrooms.
Easy enough.
I see light fixture leftovers at every thrift store so we went on an excursion to find them.
$4.25 later I had the makings for 2 LED garden mushrooms
~~~SQUEEEEE~~~~

you , too, can have these.

Junk you need:
(for 2 mushrooms)
4 vase like sconces or whatever you think will work and look cute for mushroom stem
2 Large light fixture bowls
(see picture)
2 LED light candles *or you can use real candles just be careful
lock tite glue or gorilla glue

 Here are the old lamp parts
I put a piece of tape here to hold the little LED "flickering candle"
But if you are using candles, do it like a pumpkin, or you could use those LED little string lights.

See ,stack it up .
I actually did not glue anything but if I was going to glue I would only glue the "stem" and leave the cap removable

There they are.
They are going to look great when all the little flowers are popping up around them

Enjoy,
m


Saturday, March 19, 2016

Easy Patio Chair Cushion Recover. DIY

So, as I cleaned up the deck, the one day the weather was nice, I noticed the chair cushions were nasty...nasty ....nasty...
The female that I am headed to the Home Depot to get new ones.
They were anywhere from $18.00- 32.00 each!!!!
Holy Heck.
So just like I did when I covered the swing chair cover, I decided to cover these old things, again.  This is the 3rd time I have recovered.
I wanted to do an easy tutorial because , even though I sew and read and follow a ton of tutorials, sometimes even the most "simple" ones are not so simple.
I guarantee if you can cut a shape (no pattern needed), sew a line with a sewing machine...you can do this one

junk you need:
2 yard+ fabric.  
I needed 2 yards of large bolt upholstery fabric
 and this was actually weather resistant.
I purchased it from Hancock Fabrics, on sale, in the crap section, for 9$ a yard.
Thread
Sewing machine
Scissors 
pins? 

OOOH yucky 
 Step 1: lay out your fabric (doubled) and figure out how those cushions will fit so that the shape can be cut.  
 Step 2: Cut out leaving about 3/4" or so all the way around.  no need to be perfect.  just cut out the shape, like kindergarten.  Remember, the fabric is doubled so when you cut you are cutting out 2 at one time.

Step 3: Probably cut out all at once, but I cut out one pillow at a time, because I like instant satisfaction and I want to see what it will look like.  
Once cut, put RIGHT SIDES TOGETHER.  You can pin at this point almost all the way around , but leave one side open so that you can get that ugly cushion inside it.  
Step 4: I start my sewing, with right sides together, about 3 inches up and head south, turn and go all the way around then stop about 3 inches into the las side.  that way it leaves the opening for the cushion cramming.
Remember! right sides together... and I sew about a 3/4 seam, but we aren't picky.  Just sew! we don't want difficult.

Step 5: put the ugly cushion in the new cover.  
Oh my, that is a lot of pattern going on there.  Sorry, its the ironing board cover clashing with the cushion cover.   
 Step 6: OK...the hardest part.  Now that the cushion is safe inside take the opening and iron the area where you are going to sew it closed into about a 3/4 fold.  it will match with what is all ready sewn. 
This just makes it easier to sew it closed in a few.  If you are super crafty feel free to put a zipper in, but if you know how to put a zipper win, you won't be reading this simple tutorial. 
Open....
 Step 7: This is where I pin the opening closed.  see?
Closed

 Step 8: Now take it back to your sewing machind and sew it on the outside at about a 1/4 inch topstitch.  I just line the outside of my presser foot with the fabric and sew that hole closed.
Don't worry if its a little wonky, your rear end is going to be sitting on this. If one of your friends looks that closely, they need to be scolded.
Step 9:  Pat self on back and go buy a 20$ bottle of wine because you will still be ahead on cash flow after the wine!

good job!
I'll take final pictures when the snow melts from my patio chairs.

Write you later,
m
feel free to share.

Sunday, February 28, 2016

How Could You?...returning a shelter dog

I'm going to say it here....
because all though I do not really give a single fuck what people think about me, sometimes I piss people off and then it slides back around to the hubby or family and they do not care for my mouthy opinions....
even though they are very very used to it.

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ADOPT DOGS, OR ANY ANIMAL BECAUSE THEY "WANT A DOG" ...THEN THEY RETURN IT TO THE HUMANE SOCIETY 6 MONTHS LATER.

go read about these sweet pics and why she did Pit Bulls with Flowers

these are ususally the same people who cannot even pay their own bills or manage adult hood but feel the need to "rescue" a needy animal.  And let us be honest, most animals at the Humane Society are there for a reason.... 
they have issues...
they eat couches.... 
they have separation anxiety, etc.
SO
If you are going to go "adopt" a needy dog, you better damn well be prepared to keep it, love it, train it, and be ready for it to shit on the new carpet and eat the 600$ couch....

I have NEVER in my life returned an animal.  Have I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs from anger when my Wolf Hybrid ,Eddie, ate my 300$ boots?  Yes!
How about when the lil Siberian Husky, Foxxy Brown, pulled an entire tree in through the dog door while I was out?

Yes...But they are dogs.
I chose them...they chose me....
they count on me
and stuff is just stuff.
dog love is forever.
 Eddie and Foxxy Brown
 Foxxy Brown
Eddie

Monday, February 1, 2016

Midlife student crisis


This is Rose, not me.  
I was just reading about her at Ned Hardy.  She's 83 and back in school so at least I can feel better about not being the oldest student alive.
Have I told you lately how much I hate school?  
I especially hate school because I really have no need to go back to school except for my place of employment has demanded everyone have a Bachelor's degree in 5 years.
whoopee.
I'm almost 50....
I don't find school fun, exciting or enlightening.   
I find free time exciting, not midterms.
I find using my extra hard earned money for vacation and liquor exciting....
not for text books.

I have no interest in getting a Masters degree or such....
I am interested in saving for retirement and my little home


this shit pisses me off


But I'm glad Rose is enjoying the life of a student.
Good for her....
plus I think college is free when you are her age.
Good for Rose....

Saturday, December 19, 2015

goal for next year? write ...

I'm funny!  I just went back and read some of my older posts...hysterical  
I'm like a comedian and shit.  
I'm not sure if it was just a weird time or if I really am funny, but we are going to find out

Here's the deal.   I'm an RN at in Gastroenterolgy and pre proceudre etc.   Some days I work in the Colonscopy room.   Thats shit is funny

so   we are going to perfect our writing skills again.

yes we are...just like this guy



Monday, October 26, 2015

Forget your Pumpkin Spice...Try Siracha/Rooster Pumpkin Seeds



Today I felt like a little holiday something somethin wuld cheer me up, and because drinking liquor at 9 am is not acceptable on a Monday at my house I made these instead.
Rooster/Siracha Pumpkin Seeds.....



The family carved the pumpkins and I saved the seeds.  I had seen a post on one of cooking groups about different seeds and the ways to cook them.  Previously my pumpkin seeds had been tough, often burnt, and just not that great.  This new recipe I tried was/is perfect:

Pumpkin seeds
soy sauce
siracha or spicy sauce ( I bet Franks would be good)
I added DEATH SAUCE because I love spice
and vegetable oil

Preheat the oven to 40 degrees
Boil, yes BOIL the seeds for 10 minutes in a pot of salted water.  This makes the outer husk of the seed more crispy instead of tough.  Drain the seeds then toss in a bowl with vegetable oil and the flavors of your choice.  If you choose to do sweet, don't use too much sugar...it burns.

Toss everything in a bowl, then pour onto a parchement or foil lined baking sheet and cook for 20 minutes.
Remove and cool...then eat....Yum


Good with beer, good with margaritas, good with wine, not so good with milk.
(just a little advice)
Really good with Caramel Apple Sangria, which is so easy to make and the recipe is over at  The Wholesome Dish.
So good, I drank an entire pitcher this weekend and to tell you the truth...no hangover, must be all the vitamins in the cider.  

write ya later,
xo'
M

Friday, September 25, 2015

Don't be Cunty

Lately I have been receiving flack for using my ever favorite offensive word......

Cunt.

Go ahead , shake your head.....but it's a great word.  Not sure why it's so effective , but it is.  It rolls off the back of the tongue like a thick loogie.  
It's thick, that's the best way to describe the word.

try it....say it out loud

Someone the other day stated that someone else was being "cunty" and I about died laughing.
It's perfect and the description fit to a tee.  
There is not another word in the human language which will stop a women in her tracks so quickly.

Apparently it is a word not special to the English Language , but to all.
Here, check out Cherish the Cunt . ( you are welcome for that much needed history lesson)

I'm apparently not the only one
memes galore




So , today...
try not to be cunty,
and if you know someone who is being cunty....
tell them to just stop it
 or better yet...
send them a meme


write ya later,
m